Judaism: The obvious truth, as demonstrated by the Watchmaker and Kuzari principles. A revolutionary way of thinking and living which can bring peace and happiness to mankind.

Darwinian evolution: A pseudo-scientific hoax that is impossibly improbable and contradicts the fossil evidence. It is the basis of atheism.

Atheists: They believe that evolution, not God, created man. They believe that man is a soulless, worthless bag of chemicals. They are generally debauched libertines and/or murderers.

Jewish Skeptics: Orthodox Jews who are sex addicts. In order to avoid feelings of guilt, they have converted from Judaism to atheism. They should be banned from Orthodox Jewish synagogues, schools and homes.

Secular Humanists: People whose recent ancestors believed in God and the Bible and who still have some residual Biblical beliefs, such as the Golden Rule.

Gays: Promiscuous men who have a filthy habit. They are responsible for AIDS, among other diseases.

Muslims: Technically humans, however for all practical purposes they are predatory animals. If they attack, they must be counter-attacked using overwhelming force. Any other response is virtually suicidal.

Fossils: Remnants of earlier worlds, as mentioned in Midrash Braishis Rabbah 3:7.

Documentary Hypothesis: The theory that Ezra wrote the Torah based on several earlier documents. This is disproved by the Samaritan possession of the Torah although they were enemies of Ezra and the Jews. The different styles of writing in the Torah are caused by different character traits of God. Elohim is justice and YHVH is mercy, as explained in Midrash Braishis Rabbah 73:3. Deuteronomy is of course a speech given by Moses.